


can we talk?

by TheLittleTrashCat



Series: love blossoms [5]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: (let me know if i need to tag anything else!), Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Panic Attacks, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Crying, Doubt, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hugs, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Insecure Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Canonical Character(s), Self-Esteem Issues, Swearing, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 01:29:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20183992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLittleTrashCat/pseuds/TheLittleTrashCat
Summary: Roman hasn't seen Virgil all day.





	1. Chapter 1

Roman was concerned. 

He hadn't seen Virgil since this morning, when he had first woken up. He hadn't shown up to breakfast, lunch, or dinner, and it was currently 10 at night, and he still hadn't seen any sign of him.

Currently, he was walking down the stairs, having decided to check the living room again.

Peering over the railing and into the living room, Roman saw a sight that made his heart clench. 

Virgil was on the floor, back against the wall and hands tangled into his hair. Patton and Logan were kneeled in front of him, and Deceit was next to him, hand on his shoulder. Logan was talking to and Virgil was responding.

Patton had a hand on his knee, and appeared to running him through his breathing exercises by his exaggerated slow breathing, and at this point Roman had realized that Virgil was having a panic attack. 

Roman itched to go comfort him, but last time he had tried to help, before he and Virgil had started dating, he had made everything worse, and he really didn't want to repeat that experience. Except, they were dating _ now, _so surely he would like Roman to help him...

As he watched them, Roman realized with a pang that Virgil had seemed to have calmed down without Roman even making himself known, and for some reason that made his chest hurt.

Realizing he wasn't needed (and god that hurt) Roman turned to leave, not missing the look of hurt Virgil gave him as he made his way up the stairs and into his room.

When he got there, he locked the door behind him and flung himself onto his bed, grabbing a pillow and curling himself around it, burying his face into as tears slipped out of his eyes.

His sobs where muffled by his pillow, and he didn't know _ why _he was crying, and he was being stupid, he wasn't the only one who could calm Virgil down, so why did it hurt so much?

Eventually, Roman felt himself drift off, and for the first time in months, Roman cried himself to sleep.

* * *

When Roman woke up, it was to stiff limbs and tired eyes, and the feeling of dried tears on his face. Reaching out a hand, Roman tugged his phone towards him, and clicking it on he noticed the time.

9:46.

He had missed breakfast. 

Except, Roman didn't feel like dragging himself out of bed and getting whatever leftovers were there, and he was honestly exhausted despite having gotten a good amount of sleep, so he clicked on his phone and went on to Tumblr, scrolling through the Sanders Sides tag, hoping to cheer himself up from his <strike>failure</strike> stunt last night.

He did that for a few hours until he realized with a start that he had missed lunch, and his stomach let out a protest, except he remembered the look Virgil had given him, and how Virgil had seen him walk away, and the thought of running into Virgil and dealing with the inevitable consequence to his actions made his stomach churn. 

So, despite the way his stomach complained and the way his chest constricted, when he got up out of bed, he headed to the shower, not outside of his room.

Because the guilt of just walking away was killing him inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is this good? i dont know. am i posting it anyways? yes


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is this good? im unsure. do you get it anyways because the lovely [peachsneakers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachsneakers) told me to? yes

Roman sighed.

He had been scrolling through Tumblr for a few hours now, and it had only served to make him feel worse. 

After his shower, he had changed into more comfortable clothes and was currently curled up against his pillows, covered in blankets.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, and Roman reluctantly freed himself of his nest of blankets and slid his feet onto the floor, padding over to the door.

Opening the door, Roman's blood froze. Because standing on the other side of the door was Virgil.

"Hey, Roman," he greeted awkwardly, clearing his throat. "Can we talk?"

Roman gave a jerky nod, and Virgil walked in, shutting the door behind him. 

Roman's heart was beating so loudly he was sure Virgil could hear it, and he tried to hide the way his hands shook as Virgil looked around.

"W-what do you want to talk about?" Roman asked, cursing himself for stuttering.

Virgil took a deep breath. "Yesterday, when I- when I had my panic attack. Why did you leave?"

Roman froze, eyes widening. "I-" a million different responses flew through his head, but his throat was dry and his stomach churned and his skin crawled with anxiety and he couldn't manage to make a single one escape his mouth.

"Was it something I did?" Virgil continued quickly. "I- I thought we were good, but you...you _ left." _Virgil's voice was small and full of hurt, hand scratching at his arm and Roman's heart thudded painfully in his chest.

"It wasn't anything you did," Roman assured quickly, too quickly, because Virgil looked at him with fire and hurt in his eyes.

"Are you sure? Because then why have you been ignoring me?"

Roman opened his mouth to say something, anything, but nothing came out and his eyes burned with the all-too-familiar sensation of unshed tears.

"It- it looked like everyone already had things handled," he said lamely.

Virgil laughed humorously, and Roman swore his heart was going to burst out of his chest. "Then why didn't you visit me last night? Or come out for breakfast _ or _lunch?"

Roman lowered his eyes. "I..you seemed fine without me."

"I seemed fine without you?" Virgil let out a sudden laugh, and Roman's eyes flew up to see tears escaping out of the corner of his eyes. "I wasn't fine without you! Fuck, Roman, you were the person I wanted there the _ most! _What the hell made you think I didn't want you there?"

"I just..it didn't look like you needed me there," Roman mumbled, trying to blink away the tears that threatened to fall, biting his lip to keep it from quivering.

"It didn't - Roman, we've been dating for three months now! Three! Of course I needed you there! You make me feel the most at ease! God, do you even actually care about me? Does my anxiety drive you away? Do you just not want to have to deal with me?"

The words were like a slap to the face, and Roman flinched.

"It's not that!" he defended weakly.

"Well then what is it?" Virgil asked, running a shaky hand through his hair. "Because god, Ro, I hope it isn't that. I...I don't think I could deal with that.."

"I..I," Roman felt his throat choke, and his next words all came out in a rush, "I saw the other's comforting you, and it didn't look like you needed me to be there, and I couldn't help but remember what happened last time you had a panic attack and how it was my fault because I was an _ asshole _ to you back then and when I tried to help I made it worse and Logan yelled at me and I didn't want to make it worse again and I _ wanted _to help but you seemed perfectly fine without me and I made me realize that you don't really need me to be happy and-" Roman had to stop, because his voice was cracking with the force of the sobs he was trying to force down, and his vision was blurring with tears that started to stream down his face against his will, and he ducked his head, trying to hide them. 

Virgil didn't respond immediately, and Roman covered his mouth with his hand, letting out a muffled sob, throat constricting.

"Roman, you-" Virgil made a sound of hurt and Roman curled in on himself, shoulders shaking.

"God, Ro, no," Virgil breathed. "That's..that's, fuck, Roman, you don't- you wouldn't have made worse, I- of course I needed- no, I _ wanted _ you there, I-" Virgil let out a shaky sigh, running a hand through his hair again. "Roman, just because you messed up once doesn't mean you wouldn't have done it again, and yeah, I _ seemed _fine, but I wanted you there, because-"

Virgil's hand cupped his cheek, gently tilting his face towards him, a sad smile on his face. "_ You make me happy, _Roman."

A sob tore its way through his chest, and Virgil's other arm circled around his back, pulling him into a gentle embrace. Roman curled his arms around Virgil's shoulders, clinging to him like a lifeline. Virgil held onto him as he sobbed into his shoulder.

"Shh, shh, it's fine, I got you," Virgil whispered softly, slowly rocking them back and forth. Roman just sobbed harder at that.

Virgil continued to whisper soothingly into his ear, slowly rubbing circles into his back. After what felt like hours, Roman had finally cried out all of his tears. 

"I'm sorry," he whispered quietly.

"Don't be," Virgil insisted. "It's not healthy to keep all of these emotions locked up, Roman. And..." Virgil trailed, before continuing. "You make me _ so _happy, Roman, and I don't..I don't know why you think you don't, but I'm going to make sure you know that you do, because.."

"I love you, Roman."

Roman froze, feeling a blush tear across his face as well as a wave of doubt crash over him.

"You...you do?" Roman asked, hating how small his voice sounded.

"I do," Virgil said softly. "You don't have to say it back right now, but I just want you to know just _ how much _ I care about you, Roman. You make me _ so _happy, and I don't care how long it takes you to believe that, but it's true."

Roman felt his eyes fill with tears, but for a different reason this time.

"Oh, shit, are you crying? Sorry, was that too much?"

Roman giggled. "No. These are happy tears, promise."

Virgil let out a sigh of relief. "Okay, that's good."

It was quiet after that, and Roman would have been content to rest in Virgil's arms forever.

"You are going to dinner, right?" Virgil asked, a stern edge to his voice.

Despite knowing he couldn't see it, Roman rolled his eyes. "Yeah, of course."

"Good, because you haven't eaten anything all day."

At that, Roman's stomach let out a loud grumble, and they laughed.

"Definitely going to dinner," Roman said, laughing.

"I could ask Patton to make pasta," Virgil offered.

"That would be nice."

Virgil pulled away from him slowly, and against his will Roman let out a whine, already missing his warmth.

Virgil chuckled. "I'm coming right back," he said, but as Roman watched him he pulled off his jacket and tossed it at him. Roman looked at him, confused, until he realized, _ oh, _and a furious blush raged across his face as he pulled the jacket on. Virgil smiled at him, and he was halfway through the door when he paused.

"Roman?" he called. "I love you."

Roman let out a happy grin as Virgil left, because, well.

Virgil made him so happy, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!
> 
> (comments give me life)

**Author's Note:**

> hehe


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